Well, this is certainly new

You inhale and exhale. Your heart pumps blood as it flows through your veins. Despite even the occasional laughter, you are still merely existing. One day you decide to break free from what was holding you back and you spread your wings, determined to finally live instead of being a spectator to what life has to offer.

Time goes on and you feel like you are still existing, so you take a very critical eye to what you hold dear – friends and family alike. Then you realize there are those who continue to hold you back. Coincidentally, they are also the ones who have lied to you, hurt and betrayed you, disrespected you repeatedly…

Now what do you do? Do you continue to try nurturing these relationships, knowing there will only be more pain in the future? Or do you walk away?

 

 

 

Hello, my lovelies! Have you missed me? ;-) I know it’s been awhile since I’ve posted here, but life has been…ummmm…eventful lately. Maybe at some point I’ll share what’s been going on, but today is about something else. The opening paragraphs are my comment from a friend’s post (Google+) early last week. At the time, it felt as if that was all I had to say on the subject, despite feeling that nagging itch to keep going. Today seems like as good time as any to elaborate…

Back in the olden days, when dinosaurs ruled the world and I was much younger, I was the master of running – I’d start dating someone and, with strike number one, would then end the relationship. Needless to say, I acquired quite the reputation, but only my closest friends knew I was driven by fear: I wouldn’t allow anyone to get close enough to hurt me. After finally really trying to do things differently, I married and had a daughter. Unfortunately, we were both too immature and not compatible enough to make it work, and divorced when I was 20yo.

A few months before my divorce was final, I became re-acquainted with someone I attended Middle School with. We were not friends back then, but our social circles tended to overlap to some degree so I knew who he was. We have been a major part of each others’ lives for over 20 years now and this union has produced four wonderful children, two girls and two boys, but we still managed to grow apart. To be completely fair, this happens and isn’t really anyone’s fault; it’s simply the nature of all things to adapt and evolve or be destined to stay the same and wither.

Over this past year, I have been able to more fully explore the aspects of myself I neglected for so long and it feels wonderful to rediscover the passion for life I once had, now with a more mature outlook. I have also reconnected with old friends, made several new ones along the way and been fortunate enough to contribute to some charitable works.

It’s been a roller coaster of sorts, but worth it completely.

And now here I am, making multiple major changes in my life, taking positive chances and exhibiting a confidence I never realized I possessed. I am also being reminded of what “happy” is supposed to be and, yes, I’m quite enjoying these lessons. Most importantly, I’m not running. I can’t do that again…I can’t be HER again entirely, but what I can do is learn from my past (both the good and the bad) and try to just go with it. Stop fighting every step of the way simply because I’m afraid of the what-if’s.

There are still some areas I need to work on and a few tweaks here and there, but life’s good and I don’t think the light at the end of this tunnel is another derailed train, nor do I think it will be going out anytime soon.

Anyone have a flashlight I can borrow, just in case? :-)