Despite all the awareness campaigns, and evidence to the contrary, domestic violence is accepted as fact in its most blatent form: physical abuse. It’s amazing to know there are those who still feel if you do not have black eyes, bruises, broken bones, etc., then you have not been abused. What these fine folks fail to recognize is abuse comes in MANY varieties (emotional, sexual, psychological, mental, financial… just to name a few), and can happen to anyone at any time. And, to the best of my knowledge, no one enters into a relationship with the intent of allowing themself to be abused, but it happens. – We’ll ignore the red flags or find ways to justify the bad behavior or swear, to ourself and others, that it was an accident or isolated incident, and won’t ever happen again.
But it does. A lot. And each time is worse than before, until you believe this will be your life until you finally die. ‘Til death do we part, indeed. Eventually, you also convince yourself if you were a better person, it will stop. The house could be cleaner. I can keep my opinions to myself. Dinner could be ready earlier. I will start acting as if I enjoyed having sex. Whatever it takes to try to make things better… Right? Wrong.
It. Is. Not. YOUR. Fault!
It’s 100% theirs. Always has been, and there are only two guarenteed ways to end it: leave or die. I know that sounds pretty fatalistic, but it’s the truth and, I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty enamoured of the whole breathing thing so death isn’t acceptable. That means the only other available option is leaving.
From the outside, it sounds like the easiest, most rational option. In actuality, for many, leaving can seem as if a Herculean task best left to their dreams. Where will I go? What will I do? How will I afford the necessities? What will people think? These questions are valid, don’t get me wrong, but they stem from fear, and that’s a mighty motivator to stay in an unhealthy environment. Honestly, if you have ever found the courage to confide in someone about what really happens behind closed doors, it’s a start, but even those who know cannot help until you’re truly ready to accept their assistance and, even then, you may go back a few times before leaving sticks. If you don’t end up in the hospital or mortuary first.
It seems odd to think someone would willing go back to a violent relationship once they got away, but it happens more often than you realize, and mirrors why they stay in the first place.
As already mentioned, fear is the primary reason since there are too many unknown variables to justify leaving and/or staying gone. How will the other person react? No one will believe me! This fear is further reinforced if you have children since their safety is also a major concern. For some, pets often take the place of children, in many ways, but also as a reason to stay. And it may be what truly makes the world go ’round, but money is also an anchor; if your partner controls the finances, it isn’t very likely you’ll be able to see ways past this obstacle to freedom. The hardest of all to reconcile is lacking a sense of self-worth, especially once you get it in your head that you deserve everything which is happening and/or being done to you. Oh, I almost forgot loneliness…
Believe it not, once your inner fire is reignited, not even these reasons can keep you in any prison. You are better than this. You DESERVE better than this!
There are programs designed to help you help yourself and your children. Places where you will be safe while you heal and learn to love and trust yourself again. Trained professionals who will go the extra mile to make sure you are able to stand on your own while you learn to not live in fear. And feeling lonely is better than being dead.
Please. If you or someone you know is in trouble, contact The National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-SAFE (7233). You can also call the local police, explain the situation, and request a well-being check. If possible, grab a few other concerned family and/or friends and “stage an intervention” or, as we like call it, get them the hell out of Dodge.
The very last phone call anyone would ever want is the one notifying them that it’s too late.
Before I forget, many thanks, and much love, to J.V. Manning for her page, Random Thoughts and Lots of Coffee, and granting permission to use this picture. You have no idea how many days you gave a much needed boost when I doubted I could take any more. ~massive, coffee soaked hugs~
Pollyanna's Perspective 
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